


Not Just a Memory

by Selen0phile



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, M/M, Nerdy Moon Taeil, kinda happy ending, really short fic, volleyball player johnny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 02:49:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20323849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selen0phile/pseuds/Selen0phile
Summary: "Your heart will change. And someday, I'll only just be part of your memories from the past."





	Not Just a Memory

  
_"Let's break up."_

_Taeil knew Johnny had a popular reputation as one of the jerks in the block but he didn't know it was to this extent._

_Taeil blinked, forcing himself not to show any hint of emotion. Johnny was looking down at him but he's pretty sure he isn't meeting him eye to eye. He tried to catch him but he was quick avoid the contact. He knew something was definitely up but he never suspected for to be this kind of deal. After all, Johnny never kept lies from him._

_"Okay." Taeil answered, firm. He wouldn't lose to this. He wouldn't be the one to beg to stay._

_"Okay." Johnny replies back, still unable to meet him in the eyes._  
_"You're allowed to hate me after this." He added, obviously not satisfied that Taeil was okay with the way he is handling confrontation._

_Taeil shook his head. It was painful but the attraction he had with Johnny was genuine and not out of pressure. He knew Johnny was the nicest guy in the volleyball team although their reputation isn't as polished as they seemed to be. He didn't know how Johnny still caught up with his teammates especially distasteful personalities but he's sure Johnny isn't one to blend in the bunch._

_It was evident with the way he has treated him for six months of being together._

_The secret hideout they established at the back corner of the library where they'll hang out and meet. He'd come up with new book materials to recommend and Johnny would sit there listen to him talk about books with hearts in his eyes._

_The late night talks Taeil would sneak in after his sister sleeps comfortably beside him whereas Johnny would always dare him to speak loudly. The soft whispers of good night andd I love you's Johnny has unselfishly gave before he hangs up. The flush feeling inside his heart that lulls him peacefully to sleep._

_The warm hugs and cuddles they would hide in the world, inside the volleyball team's locker room after waiting his teammates finish showering. They way Johnny would slam him to the metal lockers, desperate and thirsty for Taeil's touch. The way Johnny would moan his name, and burn on his every touch. The way he glorified Taeil's body and kissed his insecurities away._

_The love marks Taeil had kept inside his thin clothing and the excuses he had come up with when he has to wear cardigans during a scorching day. The territory that is his body, that Johnny has deemed to be as his own._

_The stolen kisses in the hallway. Johnny would suddenly pull him into his side and plant a wet kiss on his cheeks, on the lips if he's not satisfied._

_The first I love you--when Johnny was watching Taeil study for his exam, and was head over heels over the image of Taeil being overly focused with knitted brows and plump lips on full display._

_The way Johnny has made him feel genuinely loved._

_"Please give me the reason." Because Taeil would end up cracking his skull making up reasons inside his head. He'll spend the entire night trying to figure out what he lacked of. Was it the sex? His poor communication? His personality? Do his teammates found him annoying?_

_Because he wouldn't be able to understand--That he loved him so dearly for six months and that still wasn't enough._

_"I'm leaving. I'm going home to Chicago."_

_It was short but it was enough to send Taeil to a emotional turmoil. He didn't know how to identify it--anger, disappointment, sadness-- or maybe it was all of them at once._

_"I'm only knowing now..." Taeil settled with that reply, already giving up to keep it all in. He knew he's close to crying but he wants to cry--needs to cry._

_Johnny needs to see that he's hurting._

_"Taeil, please. Don't cry. I can't take it if you cry."_

_"Should I laugh, then?" Taeil retorted, tears gracing down his cheeks, travelling through his scar. Johnny watched as his eyes pooled and incredible amount of tears, his jaw firm and locked._

_"Taeil. I know I'm jerk. You have every means to hate me. Punch me, do it. Please hurt me. I'm not gonna leave you without you getting out a punch on me."_

_"You said you love me." Taeil whispered, letting the chilly breeze take it to nothingness._

_"And I still do." Johnny argued. "But I'm not gonna hold you capture when you've always been free."_

_"I only want you."_

_"Taeil." Johnny called out, tone filled torturous desperation. "It will change, Taeil but I'm thankful that you gave so much of home I never had. I will always keep you in my heart." Johnny traced Taeil's face scar that is wet from tears. His eyes are starting to pool as well, Taeil noticed. But Johnny was stubborn not to let them fall. Johnny inhaled, and Taeil memorize every details of his face._

_"Your heart will change. And someday, I'll only just be part of your memories from the past."_

  
But he isn't.

Johnny did not end up to be just a memory.

He became a name buried at the deepest of his heart, safe and untouched.

He became the dreams he'd wake up from every morning before dragging himself out of the bed and force himself to college.

Johnny did not become a memory of the past. He became the person Taeil would always choose, always spend his time to think about, always will be the one he would call out on his sleep talks.

Johnny did not become a memory.

Johnny had become a part of Taeil.

"I'm an idiot." Taeil murmurs when he glanced back to the window after the plane alight, seeing the endless fluffy clouds he had became leveled with.

He looks down to his hand gripping on the plane ticket he had earned from working as a part time librarian at the local library.

In his bag lies a list of books he patiently wrote for Johnny.

In his chest is his heart beating for that one person who left.

**Author's Note:**

> [twt(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ](https://mobile.twitter.com/moonibear)
> 
> [cc!!|ω･)ﾉ](https://curiouscat.me/Selenoph1le)


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